What the fuck am i living for??
I look at my self in the fuckin mirror and i feel sick.
I've achieved nothing, nothing that can actually make me feel useful.
I hate my fuckin self even more!!
I have no paper qualification, have no fuckin savings, working hard for just to pay off fuckin bills
This is not how it's supposed to be.. something fucked up and it's obviously me..
Am i here to waste the fuckin space or to fuck up people's lives??
I should be fuckin Satan then..
where's the cause for this effect??
Why should others suffere because of me??
i don't fuckin want it to happen at all but it somehow does happen to the people i care about the most...
People tell to forgive myself.. what the fuck are they talking about??
you don't pardon criminals? how do you expect to forgive yourself when the world doesn't forgive you??
and to add a bit more spice they got me fuckin married!! what did that poor girl do to deserve me??
It's enough.... there must be a fuckin resolve for all this..
One way or the fucking other.. something has to be done to stop all this.
Cause and Effect
The Broken Pencil
The emptiness filled with darkness,
The search within erupts a battle,
The battle for sanity in search of a lost cause,
To live a life from the life i seek,
Searching endlessly,
I found defeat,
My cause of existence,
a lie full of deceit,
The Broken Pencil,
life in complete
Should i live fake??
Thank god for computers.. or else i would be passed off as an illiterate..
(You can read but you can't write!!)
I scribble..literally scribble.. not 'blog' scribble but scribble scribble..
like a child's first piece of art..
you know like they say.. you are what you do??
Which 'Do" is the deciding factor that 'you' are defined to??
I sleep..Lazy.
I smoke..Smoker
I eat...Fat
I shit... ....
I watch movies.. movie buff
I listen to music..audiophile
I read books...book worm
I drink...alcholic
ETC ETC..
So like yeah and i'm supposed to be defined by the way i write??
It's true that i'm messy.. but when i wanna get things done.. i really will go to any extent to get it done... this trait.. it doesn't reflect anywhere in my handwriting.. then what??
Every other things come into account... from my hair style..to the sole of my shoe...
honestly when you look at me as if i wasn't there.
Girls and i.. we would be just friends and the furthest it would go to is being a local confidante..
nothing more... nothing more...so that explains why i settled for an arranged marriage
I just wanna know.. should i be really bothered about my dress sense or just continue being in my comfort clothes...
I see 'good-looking' people achieve alot.. but it's all fake..
Should i live fake?? have a fake name.. "Please call me Zach"
I really don't know where this is going but.. just for the sake of filling this void...
Adieu
A little bit
A little about my self....
Well, I'm 21 now, got married 2 years ago. Please don't ask why.. just accept it.
Wife and i working in U.A.E, in the same company fuelled by internal politics.
Mom and bros back in Singapore,Dad's in Saudi again.
Looking for a better break in Life and Career.
Driving an ailing 1996 Land Rover Discovery Series I.
Living in a studio apartment where half of my salary goes to and wife's for loans (we're in it together)
I love cars, driving them.
That's about it for now
What is
It's absolutely shitty when there are flashes of thoughts going through my head and i go blank for a moment just by reminiscing it. The usual but painful thoughts of my family, the debts we have to clear, my dad a heart patient who survived 3 attack still working at this age (62), my mom who's supposed to be taking care of my brothers, working, my gas guzzling car, the money that i owe, My wife, my education ETC ETC
As ya'll might've noticed, it's all about money and yes it has been about money for me ever since i started working.
There's a saying, the wealthiest of em' all is the healthiest.(something like that)
I beg to differ, the wealthiest of em' all can AFFORD to stay the healthiest.
The rich have time to have a morning jog, while people like us don't even have time for breakfast.
The rich thank god for what they've been blessed with while we pray to god to be blessed.
Not everyone will agree to my last sentence but not everyone else will know of each others situations and motives
With money, people come to you like flies to shit.
Without money, Some people would rather buy high grade dog food than to actually spare some change for the needy
I guess it's all fate and i do still thank god, for what he has given me.
